We’re different from you. Many of us know it long before you do. We hear you speak about life, and in our silence, you think we are slow ….or uninterested…when what we are really doing is processing what you said and why you didn’t think of the things we did. Minutes, hours, days later, when you’ve moved on, we’re ready to share our story with you….but you’ve gotten past it. “Too slow.” If you’d take the time to hear us when we are able to speak, you could learn something. Instead, you’re too busy trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with us. Why can’t we just be like the others? You speak of inclusion and embracing, but that’s not what we see. We see you trying to make us fit into YOUR world, so that WE can have a better life. In reality, most of us don’t mind who we are, until you tell us we shouldn’t be this way. You send us to therapies and doctors for answers. These are all helpful and great, but we really just need you to listen to US.
Your world is fast and busy and loud. It’s overwhelming. It takes so much to process everything going on around us when our brain is taking ALL the sights, sounds, smells and textures in at the same intensity. If you looked at us…..really looked at us and saw us with your heart wide open, you’d be amazed…..but you just won’t typically do that. You don’t have time to, when you’re focused on fixing us. Who will be more comfortable in the end? You? Us? We take the time to hear your words. They’re etched into our minds and into our souls. We go over them again and again trying to understand. We care about the way we say things or don’t say things, because we know you hurt too. Our faces and voices may never show it, but if you looked closely, you’d see it. We know how much we have to offer you….but we don’t always know how to give it. So much of what we say and do is considered unacceptable….and we know it.
You want us to concentrate on a word problem, but we can’t stop painting a masterpiece with our mind. The whole thing must be complete. It’s too beautiful to stop now ….HOW do expect us to just turn off the switch? Wouldn’t it make more sense to allow the beautiful thing to unfold, while it’s there and at the peak of it’s greatness? You upset us by telling us to stop and cooperate…STOP? COOPERATE? We feel our anxiety building, as we know you’re asking us to do something we can’t. You persist, and we get more anxious. We need to step away from you….it’s causing a problem that isn’t going to end well. The meltdown comes and we can’t control it. Didn’t you see us rocking?! Didn’t you see us rubbing our arm and tapping our foot?! The warning signs to back off were there, and we were telling you in the only way we knew how; but you didn’t listen. We’re too far gone now. There’s no turning back. We break….Your answer is medicine, discipline, more therapy. We would’ve been able to do what you were asking, if you had just given us time to transition…. Some sort of warning.
We aren’t stupid. We aren’t unwilling to try. Every day…..all day….we try. We try to fit and blend in a foreign world to please you. When are you going to visit ours?
It’s beautiful here…..and just not the same without you.